Seto & Kisara's Biology Assignment
by YourPsycho
Summary: In between running a company and raising a teenager, Seto is paired with Kisara for a Biology assignment to take care of a BABY. Will they pass? Or will Kaiba’s head explode? Find out in this mini-series. xDDD
1. 1 The Screaming Mass of Horrors

Seto & Kisara's Biology Assignment

**Author's note – Behold another mini-series… -sniggers- I sort of came up with this when it occurred me – how would Kaiba take on an assignment to raise a baby?? Well, we're going to find out. **

**Read and review pleaaaaase!!**

**Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, if I did YGO 5D would SO feature Kaiba; GX would follow up on how Kaiba's doing as he nears 30… wait, screw that, Kaiba would have his own TV series. ;D**

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**Chapter 1**

**The Screaming Mass of Horrors **

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"It's looking at me! KISARA IT'S LOOKING AT ME!"

Kaiba continued to glare moodily at the baby, growing increasingly agitated with the _thing_.

Kisara entered the room and cradled the baby in her arms, "Stop being ridiculous, it's a _doll_ for God's sake!"

"It's pure eviiiiiiiiiiiiil!" Kaiba insisted and shrank back as the doll cried hysterically; immersed in paranoia he pointed at it, "See! See! Told you – IT'S ALIVE!"

Kisara shook her head dubiously.

_These two are really out to get each other…_

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**2 Days earlier… **

"_Mr. Garrison?"_

"Hello Mr. Bones, yes we're going to get that rich brat today – aren't we?"

"Mr. Garrison… sir?"

" Hehehehehehehe… what was that? Oh yes you're so funny! You're my best friend, Bones…"

"MR GARRISON!" Kisara shouted as everyone's heads turned to hers as she tried unsuccessfully to hand in her essay.

But then again – this was a typical day in Bio class for Kisara: insulting Seto Kaiba, _getting_ insulted _by_ Seto Kaiba, and watching in horror as Mr. Garrison had full-fledged conversations with his skeleton before every class… weird.

"Out my way, Hunter." Kaiba said gruffly as he moved past Kisara roughly, "Kaiba, I think Garrison is out to get you today." she replied.

"When is he not?" Kaiba said sarcastically as Kisara shrugged in response, "Don't say I didn't warn you…"

"Okay, class you've got a new assignment," Mr. Garrison paused as he received a round of groans and continued, "The goal is to learn responsibility and more importantly, to discourage _any_ procreation in the future."

Mr. Garrison then reached inside his desk drawers and produced a plastic beak which snapped noisily as it covered his nose. Then, with impish laughter, he placed a box on Kaiba's desk and made odd bird _squawks – _strangely resembling a stork whilst doing so.

Kaiba glared determinedly at the pink bow that decorated the top of the box as Mr. Garrison continued, "I have a present for you, Mr. Kaiba; do open it up quickly."

Pausing long enough to aim a death glare at his overly dramatic Bio teacher, Kaiba hesitantly tugged at the lid and froze as he gazed at the mass within, "You've _got_ to be kidding me!" he growled as Kisara burst into hysterical laughter.

"_Ohmanohmanohman_…" she continued as she collapsed to the ground, "It even has your EYES!"

Mr. Garrison addressed the class with a grin, "In fact, you're ALL going to raise one of _these." _In his hand he presented a baby – you know, one of those plastic things that cry… yes, _that_.

Several girls squealed with delight at the prospect of looking after realistic babies while Kaiba glared coldly at it. _There is no way in HELL that I'm going to raise that, one teenager is enough for me…_ Kaiba decided as he folded his arms across his chest.

"Now ladies, who wants to be Mr. Kaiba's _wife_? That's right, guys and girls pair up … hey, kinda like being _married." _Mr. Garrison continued, receiving more squeals from most of the over-excited girls; Kisara pointed and laughed at Kaiba who had gone a brilliant shade of red.

Mr. Garrison replied mockingly, "Now, now Miss Hunter you should treat your _life – _err Bio _partner_ with more respect."

"Eh?" Kisara paused as Kaiba coughed uncomfortably, however her Bio teacher ignored her response and read out the assignment pairings, and proceded to hand out the plastic babies.

_Kaiba… and me? _Kisara thought dubiously as Kaiba gazed at her suspiciously, "Ashlee." He said shortly.

"What?" she replied in a daze, to which Kaiba replied, "Ashlee Kaiba. We have a name now you get to raise her."

Kisara's jaw swung open as the baby burst into hysterical tears; promptly Kaiba rose to his feet and sauntered to Mr. Garrison's desk, dumping the loud object of horrors right in front of him.

"I'm not doing it." Kaiba insisted.

"Maybe you'll learn to be responsible, Mr. Kaiba." Garrison replied.

Kaiba cocked a sarcastic eyebrow, " I raised my 12-year-old brother since _I_ was 12; run a multi-billion dollar company AND plan world domination on a daily basis… I AM RESPONSIBLE DAMNIT!"

"Sorry Mr. Kaiba, an assignment is an assignment after all…"

Immediately seeing no way out of this, Kaiba straightened and growled heatedly, "Fine. But once I've succeeded in human enslavement, YOU WILL PAY!" and stalked off, back to his desk.

Hearing Joey sniggering behind him, Kaiba then spun around and threw the doll, hitting him directly in the face. "Ooooh so it IS useful, after all…" Kaiba mused to himself with a smirk.

"WHAT YA DO THAT FOR, RICHBOY?" Joey shouted and swung the doll back, hitting Tea accidentally on the head.

"I saw your face and thought 'hey, let's whack Wheeler on the head because HEY, he's a monkey'…" Kaiba replied disinterestedly as Kisara joked, "A very shiny, _stupid_ monkey indeed."

Joey exploded with rage and raised his fists, "GRRR WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

However, before Kaiba could retaliate, Yugi appeared with baby in hand and calmed Joey down with an anime _sweat-drop_, "Relax guys…"

"Whatever." Kaiba growled and strutted straight out the classroom door; Kisara gaped disbelievingly, _no way, the bastard is just going to leave me here… WITH THIS?_

Eying her face curiously, Tristan poked Kisara as her baby started crying hysterically again; in response, she dropped to her knees and in classic movie style screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

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**Hehehe well, that was part one – what do you guys think?? I have some hilarious situations planned… I mean really, Kaiba raising a baby mwahahahahahahahahaha… **


	2. 2 It’s Your Lump, Dude

Seto & Kisara's Biology Assignment

**Author's note – It took a while, but it's here! Chapter 2!!**

**Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh... but one day that will change MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! **

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**Chapter 2 **

**It's Your Lump, Dude**

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"MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Kaiba smirked as he folded his arms across his chest; he had just stormed out of Bio class and had managed to elude Kisara for a full two hours.

_Like I am really going to waste my time with that thing – Kisara can deal with it… besides, she's a woman right? This will be easy for her… I'll even buy her something expensive as payment. _

Kaiba thought, and then frowned as he allowed his gaze to linger on a few stray buildings outside his office window. _Kisara can come find me here at Kaiba Corp, but my secretary won't allow her any further than my doorway, _he grinned smugly.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he continued to laugh manically again, "MWAHAHAHA-"

"**Seto. Kaiba**."

Kisara interrupted from behind him – her voice was calm… _too_ calm. Almost scary.

Almost.

Kaiba's head snapped sharply to the side at the mention of his name, immediately side-glancing Kisara's form looming in the doorway.

_How did she get in here without me receiving any notifications of her arrival? _Kaiba wondered briefly, until he noticed the crumpled – and unconscious – form of a certain pathetic young woman in the corner just beyond his threshold.

_Ahhhh… _Kaiba understood, and admittedly he was slightly impressed by Kisara's nerve to actually render his secretary unconscious.

"Aren't _we_ the psycho bitch today, Kisara? I knew you were hot for me, but this is _really_ pushing it, don't you think?" Kaiba drawled sarcastically, gesturing to his unconscious secretary.

"**Don't.**" Kisara growled heatedly through clenched teeth.

This tone concerned Kaiba as he turned to face her and almost shrank against the wall as a hateful glare emanated from her clear blue eyes; Kisara's clenched fists indicated that she was _just_ suppressing her temper.

However, refusing to acknowledge Kisara's temper – purely to piss her off of course, Kaiba asked casually, "How did you find me?"

"Oh I dunno… just followed the string of evil laughter and hey, found you. Total giveaway by the way."

"Figures," Kaiba started grudgingly, with a slight frown before adding mockingly, "Admit it; it's a major turn on for you."

Kisara looked questioningly at Kaiba, "Err no – actually, it pisses me off. Idiot."

Before Kaiba could respond, hysterical crying could be heard from the bag slung around Kisara's shoulder; with a brief look of annoyance she rummaged within it and produced the hated Biology assignment.

Within a few seconds she had silenced the _thing_ and returned to glaring at Kaiba, "Take it."

"No." Kaiba replied curtly as Kisara attempted to shove Ashlee into his arms.

"Come on, goddamnit!" she insisted as Kaiba took a single step backwards, "Make me."

"_Duuuuuuuuude_," Kisara started as she approached him again; Kaiba looked at her arrogantly, "What are you going to do about it?" he challenged.

"Hah!" Kisara sneered as she indicated to her right knee, "This is all it will take to bring you down at my feet!"

Kaiba's eyes widened and hastened a gulp before lowering his arm to defend the area that Kisara had obviously insinuated – his groin.

With a confident grin, Kisara took several steps back before kneeling in a stance semblance of a ninja's.

Her eyes locked determinedly on Kaiba's she called out, "I AM KISARA HUNTER! MISTRESS OF THE SECRET DISLOCATION TECHNIQUE!" then, as she charged Kaiba's rigged form she bellowed her war cry, "POWER TO THE SHORTER PEOPLE!""

At this point a nervous drop of sweat had slid down the side of Kaiba's face as his cerulean eyes widened with shock; instinctively he crossed both arms to guard his crotch area. Kisara had lunged at him with her right knee arched forward, knocking Kaiba square on the jaw and sent him stumbling to the ground, outstretched on his back.

"WOOOHOOO! YEAH KISARA!" Duke called out as the entire gang joined in the series of whoops and hollers – how long had they stood there? Who knows, but it was clear they had seen _enough_.

"I didn't expect that." Kaiba said shortly, referring to the fact that Kisara hadn't aimed for his groin as he had anticipated; rendered speechless as Kisara replied off-handedly, "They never do..."

"By the way… How the _hell _did you freaks get here?" Kaiba gasped while Kisara's leg constricted his breathing, glaring at the gang still gathered at the doorway.

Yugi poked his head between Joey and Duke and said with a wide grin, "Well, we kind of wanted to check-up on Kisara, especially when we saw she was heading for Kaiba Corp."

"Yeah, we wanted to see her kick some CEO ass!" Duke added spiritedly with a wink.

Joey choked on some pizza; as his eyes were frozen on Kisara sitting snugly on Kaiba's waist – smirking with her knee jutting out against his neck, pinning him to the ground.

At that moment, the secretary had chosen to awaken with a soft groan, immediately panicking when she noticed the clusters of teenagers bombarding Kaiba's office.

"Oh Mr. Kaiba! Mr-" She started, completely flustered – pausing only when she saw Kisara's position upon Kaiba's waist.

"This is not what it looks -!" Kisara immediately prompted defensively as the secretary laughed casually, "Oh is this why you hit me on the head with a stapler? I forgot how Mr. Kaiba particularly enjoys sex games – please continue! I'll hold off all your appointments Sir, until you're…finished…"

"ACK!" Kisara gasped before shaking her head in resignation, "Guys, help me up here."

Immediately, Duke and Tristan on either side of Kisara, gripped her arms and lifted her off the dazed and confused, Kaiba.

Kaiba then leaned on his elbows before staggering to his feet – his eye twitching as he noticed a dull pain along the edge of his jaw, which he touched tenderly. "That _huuuuurt_!" he started and then added dubiously, "I can't believe that actually worked!"

"I know!" Kisara exclaimed, "It's a good thing I'm insane or it wouldn't have."

She then cradled Ashlee, who had somehow landed up on the floor in all the excitement as the rest of the gang evacuated the office inconspicuously.

"Well, _Seto_, I believe you have Ashlee duty!" Kisara stated cheekily.

"Oh – you mean _the 'Lump'?_" Kaiba said disinterestedly with a grunt; reluctantly taking Ashlee into his arms – instantly the baby dissolved into hysterical tears.

Abruptly, Kaiba dropped the baby on the floor and covered his ears and started screaming, "GET THIS THING AWAY FROM ME!"

Kisara was bemused, "Calm down, Kaiba… it's not real… see?" she said soothingly, attempting to reassure Kaiba.

In response Kaiba ceased all movement as his eyes snapped open, "Are you trying to insult my intelligence? OF COURSE I KNOW IT ISN'T REAL!"

"Oh." Kisara replied shortly and then added casually, "You have baby issues…"

Kaiba arched a dubious eyebrow, "I can list my issues and personality disorders alphabetically, and babies _are not part of them!" _

"Is 'Superiority Complex' one of them?" Kisara commented dryly.

"No, it's called a GOD COMPLEX, Kisara – GOD COMPLEX!" Kaiba growled heatedly, growing steadily more agitated.

"What's the difference?" Kisara demanded; Kaiba replied - as if he were explaining one plus one equals two, "Superiority Complex is when you think you're better than everyone else; _God _Complex is when you have every _right_ to _be _superior to everyone else."

He then turned to Kisara, "Got it?"

"Yeah, Dude… whatever," Kisara replied absentmindedly as she picked up Ashlee, who had started shrieking again.

It was at that moment when it suddenly occurred to him…

_Let's get rid of it… or at least make it shut the hell up!_

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

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_**Okay this is me recovering from writer's block – the next part will be better with appearances from… -drum roll-… PEGASUS! That's right folks, what is a humorous mini series without the dodgy Pegasus making a guest appearance?**_


	3. 3 Ash On The Go

Seto & Kisara's Biology Assignment

**Author's note – Okay remember the Millennium Eye and how Pegasus used it to see into other people's minds?? Oh and 4Kids is the company that totally Americanized YGO - cutting out all the best bits –sigh- so just remember that… oh and I'm also linking to Kaiba's Macabre Halloween Bash – one of my other mini-series' in case you don't already know, it was where Kaiba practically seduced Kisara so yeah…. **

**Disclaimer – I do not own YGO yet…

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**Chapter 3**

**Ash On The Go

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**

"Take it…"

"YOU take it…"

"BASTARD!"

"BIT-"

"GRRR!"

"GRRRRR!"

Kaiba paused as he received bewildered expressions from his employees and reconsidered shoving Kisara into the nearest wall.

He immediately aimed a irratable glare at Kisara and didn't respond when she tried to place Ashlee, the detested Biology assignment, in his arms.

"Tell me something Kaiba," Kisara started, "What is it like being a complete asshole all the time?"

Kaiba arched an eyebrow and retorted, "Oh Kisara, you know how much it turns me on when you attempt to insult me like that…"

Kisara blushed and noticed a very specific person in the corner of her eye, instantly she repressed the shudder which overcame her.

_Ohnononononono… _She thought, as she continued to rock the mechanical baby she was charged with as it started shrieking again.

"KAIBA-BOY!" a familiar voice called out, Kaiba's eyes widened as he hastened a gulp… that's right… PEGASUS approaching them…

"Back away slowly and he might not realize we're gone!" Kisara hissed, side-glancing Kaiba.

"No! I'm not about to let this pompous –" Kaiba fired back, abruptly cutting off his sentence as Pegasus stood mere feet from him, "What do you want?" He demanded.

_Here comes that migraine again…_ Kaiba thought exasperatedly, not even attempting to mask his dislike or annoyance for the man before him… _With the stupid mullet and the HAIR… and that creepy eye he used to have… _

Pegasus grinned wickedly, immediately noticing the crying bundle in Kisara's arms.

At this point Kaiba started to panic, _What if he jumps to the wrong conclusions? I mean, Ashlee really is way too lifelike… he could tell the Press… _Kaiba gulped again, _He could tell the Press. _

"Yours?" Pegasus asked Kisara with a knowing look in his eyes – _Damnit, he DID jump to the wrong conclusion…_ Kaiba sighed inwardly, his suspicions confirmed.

Completely oblivious, Pegasus continued even as Kisara maintained a stony silence, "I knew it would happen someday, Kaiba-boy… I mean really, you've always been a good-looking young man. Quite the catch, right Kisara?"

Kisara replied disinterestedly, "Please. Stop talking to me."

"What do you know?" Kaiba demanded, glaring stubbornly at Pegasus, who had a very dodgy glint in his eyes at that precise moment.

Pegasus grinned perversely as he brought his hand to his mouth – as if he were about to reveal a secret, "Surprise, surprise Kaiba-boy, the 4Kids dub didn't want the viewers to know this, but I could see EVERYTHING with my Millennium Eye; and I like Kisara I'm sure, was not disappointed at all…" Pegasus trailed conversationally with one deliberate glance up and down Kaiba's body, and walked off with a suggestive wink.

Yeah. That left Kaiba something to think about…

"What the FUCK? Oh please tell me he didn't…" Kaiba groaned, massaging his temples in frustration.

Kisara gazed sympathetically at Kaiba, "Yeah, Pegasus making come-ons on the _oh-so-fine_ Seto Kaiba… so not creepy at all," She replied sardonically.

She then dumped the baby in Kaiba's arms, brusquely ignoring his protests.

"I have an idea," Kaiba started, "Let's compromise – I have Ashlee half the time and you have her for the other half."

"Okay," Kisara agreed with a nod, shouting in unison with Kaiba, "I'LL TAKE THE DAY!"

Kisara looked at Kaiba questioningly, _Like hell I'm going to take the graveyard shift for that stupid baby, I need to sleep. _

"You're taking Graveyard shift," Kisara insisted as Kaiba folded his arms across his chest stubbornly, "Hell no, I need to work and I need to _continue_ to work – wait, why am I justifying myself to you? YOU WILL TAKE HER FOR THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT AND THAT'S THAT!"

"Temper, temper…" Kisara tutted while wagging her index finger; Kaiba calmed down, "I know, I happen to be very moody when I haven't had enough coffee."

"You know Kaiba, unlike your employees – I _don't _get paid to take your bullshit and I don't have to do what you want," Kisara commented, ignoring Kaiba's upraised eyebrows.

_Damnit, she's right…_ Kaiba realized, and decided to change tactics.

"I happen to have Mafia connections, Kisara, and I doubt anyone's going to complain if you suddenly turn up **'missing'**."

When this statement appeared to not have made an impression upon Kisara, Kaiba frowned in annoyance.

_Goddamnit… there's no winning with her, there's no intimidating her! What am I supposed to do? Okay, okay… just glare at her, and she'll get the picture. SETO KAIBA IS NOT TO BE MESSED WITH ! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! _Kaiba decided as he proceeded with a deadly glare that admittedly, has been known to make grown men cry.

Kisara stiffened and attempted to disguise how truly worried she was at this point, "You wouldn't?"

Kaiba glared at her, "Try me."

"Yeah, I did and I wasn't very satisfied." Kisara replied cheekily – remembering how easily seduced she was at Halloween.

Kaiba appeared rather confused at that statement… _She's just trying to side-track me, that's it! AHAHA I'LL GET YOU NOW, KISARA!_

"Oh really? You didn't seem to complain when you were begging me for more… and then there was the matter of how you were on your knees, _literally_…" Kaiba smoothly added, smirking as Kisara blushed and began stuttering, "Yeah well – YOU SUCK AND…AND…AND…"

Kisara was at a loss for words, "Let's see how you handle a baby at work, Kaiba!" and promptly stomped off, abandoning Ash in Kaiba's unwilling arms.

Also, Ash had decided to utilize her superb timing skills to start screaming uncontrollably.

In response, Kaiba gritted his teeth in frustration while tossing the baby at Kisara's moving form, narrowly missing her by inches.

"HEY!" Kisara complained loudly as she spun on her heel to face Kaiba, "THAT ALMOST HIT MY HEAD!"

"Good! Maybe it could have knocked some sense into you," Kaiba replied vehemently – and then it occurred to him… _Wait. Where did Ash go? _

Kaiba and Kisara abruptly snapped their heads, noticing Ash skidding across the smooth and very expensive Kaiba Corp flooring; and it was with a jolt that they realized that she was on the go – straight out a gaping window…

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

_**A/N – Haha those idiots… btw, I know that Pegasus' ability with the Millennium Eye is to read people's minds, but I decided to make it so that he could 'really' see through everything purely for the purpose of this chapter, and possibly for future parts that follow. Tell me what you guys think!! ;) **_


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